I have just posted at Writing Assessment Services a file that will give you a peek into the process I have done with just one student, in just one course, in just this last school year. Check out the file here, and note that I'm remodeling the site, so it's inconsistently spiffy just now.
Here's a taste of what the file includes. First the original conclusion, and then the new one. I think you'll see a great difference!
Original
All in all, soccer is the most entertaining sport there is. It is suspenseful and ever changing. There are plenty of other reasons why soccer is well liked, but without a doubt this reason is the most appropriate one. Whether it is the cultural background, or simplicity of rules, soccer is currently favored by numerous individuals.
Revised
In conclusion, it is the rarely made goals, required teamwork, and the ever-changing possession of the ball that makes soccer an entertaining and suspenseful sport for everyone. When compared to basketball, soccer games do not have as many points flying around. This makes soccer suspenseful, and easier to follow. When compared to swimming, soccer is more of a team sport. This makes soccer a good learning experience for younger player. Compared to football, soccer is more unpredictable and ever changing. Yes, hockey games have rarely made goal, baseball is a team sport, and basketball is unpredictable. Nevertheless, all these aspects together make soccer the best for anyone interested in sports.
Many thanks to Elizabeth Siddiq for allowing me to share her hard work!
In case you missed it, get the whole file here.
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