"Day Trip"
“Wuhl now, ma’am, I done brought my chicken snack from KFC, like they told me in this here paper, and I’m a lookin’ for’ard t’ seein’ that there Jefferson Starship thang. But whut I don’ quite recollect is whether I shoulda brung a backpack and sit-upon like this here little lady behind me has got. I thought it was s’posed to be just a afternoon outin’, and we was gonna be back in time fer our reg’lar evenin’ routine at home.
“Could you tell me if I’m proper equipped to go see them
friendly ET’s? Heard ‘bout ‘em nearly all my life!”
102 words
15 comments:
Nice dialect! I also like how you incorporated the name of the bus line in your story, and how your character completely misses the significance of what he's about to do.
Nice one Cindy, well done.
I don't think I need to enlarge the picture to see your character. I can hear him and he's making my ears bleed. Good job!
Goooolllleee, Sarge. :-). Ditto to Danny's comments.
Well done with the dialect.. though I can never ever do it myself. Story very good as well.
Wow, y'all, I'm excited that you liked my dialect! I'm very nervous about speaking dialect or accents or in another language (French is the only candidate), because I'm not an "actor" by nature. But I could definitely hear this guy talking, and I edited over the spelling to be sure to convey only the ways in which he would deviate from standard spelling. I'm glad it worked!
But I also feel a little guilty about making a fat guy a buffoon--hits too close to home! And I kinda think this guy is a sympathetic character, like Gomer Pyle, Janet! (But with a little regional difference.) :-)
Hi Cindy,
The character you create here is scary real. I know this guy. Great job of capturing the dialect. I'd say more, but I have to go take another ride with the aliens! Ron
Don't worry about making the fat guy the buffoon. You don't actually know him so anyone you chose could be offended! lol
Dialect was excellent! I agree!
Thanks for stopping by my post.
Scott
Wonder if someone gave this gullible guy a bill of goods? No matter, he's on his way. Who knows... he may find ET. Enjoyed the dialect.
because of how well the dialogue was written, i was forced to read it as slowly as the character is thinking it. i wonder if "recollect" should be "reckon."
Great job. I think changing recollect to reckon would sound even more buffoonish. I used the same person as the main character in mine.
Rich, I'm thinking "recollect" is pretty much what I hear this character saying, but thanks for making me be really sure about it. Thanks to you, too, Lora, Scott, Anonymous, and Photo!
I wanted to do a good southern accent for my bus driver but I knew that I wouldn't be able to carry it off so I didn't try. I certainly couldn't have done as well as your excellent dialect. Well done.
Dear Cindy,
I love what you did with the dialog and accent. And the Jefferson Starship trip was a great riff on the photo prompt.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks, Pete and Doug. Doug, I couldn't get "Jefferson Starship" out of my head, and there was just something eerie about that bus to . . . where?
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